T’was the night before Christmas When I went on a bender,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a bartender.
The empties were stacked by the chimney just fine,
In hopes that St. Nick would fill them with wine.
With Mama in her kerchief and I with my booze,
We’d just settled down for a long winter’s snooze.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I put down my drink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I crawled and then stumbled
To open the shutters where I stood and just mumbled.
Then what to my bloodshot eyes should there appear
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
I thought it was DT’s and needed help quick!
I didn’t know it was only St. Nick.
I poured myself another as the reindeer came
While he shouted and called them by name:
“Now Barfly! Now Wino! Now Boozer and Rummy!
On Drunkard! On Alky! On Dipso and Dummy!”
So up to the housetop St. Nicholas flew
While I pulled the pop-top on another brew.
I trembled with fear when I heard a new sound–
Down the chimney came St. Nick with a bound.
His cheeks were like roses, he grinned like a possum,
His eyes, how they twinkled, his nose had rum-blossoms!
I offered him a drink, step up to the bar,
“Not today,” he said, “I am now so-ber.”
He had a clear face and a little beer belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowl
full of jelly.
This was too much, it increased my thirst.
“Hold it!” said St. Nick, “First things first.
You don’t have to drink, easy does it,
Now that wasn’t too hard, was it?”
He reached in his sack and with a great fuss
He gave me the book “Alcoholics Anonymous.”
“Read this ‘Big Book’ for a life sublime,
Follow the principles one day at a time.
“This is the best present I can give,
Twelve steps — a new way to live.
The AA program keeps me sober, it’s true.”
Then giving a nod, up the chimney he flew.
Then I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“You now have a choice, starting tonight.
So Merry Christmas to all and to all Season’s Greetings,
Don’t pick up that first drink, and go to AA meetings!”
Twas The Night Before Christmas in the AA Club
‘Twas the night before Christmas, we were all in the club,
Enjoying the meeting, instead of the pub;
The ashtrays were clean and the coffee was made,
The Big Books were out, and all had prayed.
When out in the lot, there arose such a clatter,
We jumped up from the table to see what was the matter.
The Chair with his Big Book, and I with my smokes,
Headed outside and found these two blokes.
They came on inside, and sat at the table;
Said that they’d chair, as soon as they’re able.
To start with, they said, “It’s more than not drinking.
It’s doing your best to fix your wrong thinking.”
“Think, Think, Think!” and those slogans we used,
Help keep the newcomer from getting confused.
Step 1 is a start, they said we should know,
But after Step 2, we’ll be all aglow.
We make a decision when we get to Step 3;
Step 4 is real tough, we all could agree.
Step 5 is the one where we let it all out,
After Steps 6 and 7, we’re left with no doubt.
We get to Step 8, and we make our list;
And then with Step 9, we have to persist.
After Step 9, our promises ring true;
We didn’t just get that, out of the blue.
After that, it’s on with the rest;
We must do each day, to be our best.
They put on their coats and got ready to leave;
A pretty good end, for this Christmas Eve.
As to their names, we only could guess;
I’m pretty sure it was Bill W. and Bob S.
The two men hopped into a ’35 Ford,
And as they pulled out, one of them roared:
“We leave this message, for you our brothers:
Trust God, clean house, be of service to others.
And for all of you people, we just want to say:
Merry Christmas to all and don’t drink today. “