Backwards Steps

Backwards Steps

A friend of mine shared in a meeting recently that it has been her
observation that when she thinks back to the behavior of folks that
have had a slip, it seems to her that these folks were doing the
steps backwards just before they went back out. I’ve been thinking
about what that would look like, and this is what I came up with:

Doing the steps backwards?

12. God doesn’t listen to me anyway, I don’t really need to talk with
my sponsor, I don’t want to talk with anyone else, they’ll only tell
me stuff about the steps, so I’m not going to return those phone
calls. I lied to my boss today, but it’s not like she’s the most
honest person in the world; and I’m sure it was just karma when the
grocery store clerk gave me change for a twenty instead of the ten I
paid with — it’s not like it’s gonna’ come out of her pocket!

11. Traffic has gotten so bad that I just need to get going in the
morning, I just don’t have time to pray. By the time I get home at
night and have dinner and watch a TV show or two I just don’t have
time for meditation, and God never talked to me, anyway.

10. I don’t know what’s wrong with everyone around me, they seem to
be crabby and picking on me. When I try to point out how they could
do things differently they get upset. I just don’t understand, if
they would only see that I know the right answers, none of us would
have these problems.

9. I don’t really need to make those amends to “them” it’s not like
they didn’t have a part in it. Besides, I’m sure that they’ve
probably forgotten about it anyway, so I will, too.

8. What I did wasn’t really that bad and I don’t even know if anyone
noticed, I don’t need to think about that. Anyone in the same
situation would have done the same thing.

7. If my co-worker (spouse, boss, neighbor, etc.) understood the
pressure that I am under, they would realize why I am so angry
(selfish, stressed, upset, etc.)

6. Why is everyone picking on me? I’m only human, so of course I am
going to make mistakes and it’s not like I mean to behave that way,
it just happens. Why is everyone so bent out of shape?

5. If he (she, they) think that I am going to let them know how I
feel about anything, they can just think again! It’s just no one
else’s business what I do!

4. This looking at myself stuff is just introspective psychobabble
and I don’t have time for it. That’s all in the past, anyway. It’s
not like I’m doing any of this stuff today.

3. I don’t know why God has forsaken me. I have tried praying, and He
never answers my prayers so I don’t know why I should even keep
trying.

2. I don’t know why I even believe in God.

1. Life stinks. I need to hang out with some real friends not those
goof balls at the AA meeting. Maybe I’ll stop to see some of my old
friends at the bar on the way home this evening, I haven’t heard from
them lately anyway, so we can catch up! Oh I’m not going to drink
anything, I’ll just stop to say hello and maybe shoot a few games of
pool or darts. I don’t have to drink alcohol, just because I’m in a
bar, I’ll just have a ginger ale or one of those non-alcoholic beers.